a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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