I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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