At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
