She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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