We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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