So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
