HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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