what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
