gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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