You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I touched a dick in church today
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
