he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
