Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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