What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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