Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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