haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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