What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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