Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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