He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
