That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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