My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
