somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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