You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
either way he was missing a nipple.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
