I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
