I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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