I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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