i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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