shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
