Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
