If that was your dad, he is hot
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
