My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
