I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize