Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
