When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Your cock deserves a montage
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
