wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
