the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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