I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
