Got a toothbrush?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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