who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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