When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
