i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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