Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
