i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
