can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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