my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
