At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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