yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
