he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he thought i was a dude.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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