The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
