If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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