Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
