playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
