She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
