So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
