You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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