Already got asked if we're dating
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
