i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
