dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
