checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A+ Viking dick
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
