im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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