I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
