Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
