I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
