I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am spending my child support on dildos
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just gargled with NyQuil
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
